Why I Should Always be in Charge

I was put in charge of our orientation group while the leaders (still just students themselves) went to go get something from the vans or I don't even remember.
When they came back, we had started a massive game of tic tac toe in the sand using our paddles and then when we had a ties or a win or lose, we'd battle it out with our paddles, jedi fight style.
I was also usually the steerer in the canoe and even through the rotating of partners, I would call out "Ceviche!" when I wanted my front person to switch sides because I decided that switch was a lame word.

"If you get on their knees and jump off that rope, I'll give you a prize."
"What about challenge by choice?"
"I'll give you the last few brownies."
"Screw challenge by choice, I want BROWNIES!"

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"Memories turn to dust, please don't bury us,
I got you, I got you."

I<3Yonce.

Gina, and Other Things That Make Me Laugh

I have too much to say, so I'm going for bullet point form today.  If you don't like it, I totally respect your opinion.
Lol, psych, leave.

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-"Gina wants a hamburger rawwwrrr"

-"Hey Gina isn't allowed to drive!"
"Gina the Vahina does what she wants!"

-"Hey I just blew a lot of blood out of my nose, you know, about as much blood as the wieght of a human baby."
"There was a lot wrong with that sentence that I don't really want to re-hash."

-"What the hell? How was that on the top charts? Clint Eastwood doesn't sing!?!"
"clearly, you were born in the later 2000s because it's a song. By Gorillaz."
"Wait who are Gorillaz?"
"Alright yup, you can get out."

-"Gina, stop dancing!"
"GINA THE VAHINA LIKES TO DANCE."


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"My defeat sleeps top to toe with her success."

Matilda

A letter to Ruby Rose:

Dear Ms Rose,

while your acting really isn't that bad, I'm kindly going to ask you to stop pervading my favorite shows because you are seriously making me question my morals (or what is left of them), and now, you have me wanting to put myself in prison just so I could get a glimpse of Stella and keep in mind STELLA ISN'T REAL. 

cordially yours,

K.M.R.

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But actually, she's so attractive in a way that even straight people can admire.  Go figure, she's foreign.  

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"I only call you when it's half past five."

All That, and More

"I sound like a whale!" *makes whale noise*
"Yeah you look like a whale too"

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"I make the corniest puns known to mankind.  Wanna know why?"
"Why?"
"Because I'm from Corning, New York.  Get It?!"

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Late Tuesday night, a blond headed girl woke two girls in a kings size bed up.  "Can... Can I sleep with you guys?"
Sleepily, they nodded and they were one, for one last time, wrapped up in floral sheets from the seventies, in a king-sized bed with three pillows forming to the shape of their two blonde and brown streaked with blonde hair.

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"I'm borderline happy and I'm borderline sad,
I'm borderline good and I'm borderline bad."

Afterglow

This happened in poetry class where we are trying to write a poem about how stereotyping and misjudging people is bad (duh).  And one of the stereotypes was that one of the girls in my class was a mean girl/bitch.  So then, we all started calling her Regina George.  And then this happened.

"Raise your hand if you've been personally victimized by Regina George," everyone raises hands and laughs.

"I'm going to bully you all until you STOP calling me Regina George!"

"Whatever you say, Regina."

After that, we all dissolved into laughter.

"gotta eat the booty like pears......"

Barely Legal

Yesterday I had to go to the doctors and found out I need and mri and possible surgery, if they think what's wrong with my knee is wrong with it.
To figure out that my Meniscus is probably torn, they had to poke and prod my knee for a good twenty minutes (which felt oh so good!) and afterwards my mom felt so bad for me that she stopped at one of my favorite sandwich places.  And then as we were about twenty minutes away from me having to go back to school, she suddenly got this devious look on her face and trying to keep her tone stern she said, "You know, I still have to get gas and you have so much to do that we should probably stop and get a creemee and then you should probably just stay home all afternoon because, you know, you have a lot of important things to do."
I missed a math quiz.  It was kind of awesome.

Best part? We'd filled up for gas not five minutes before that.

"I wanna steal your innocence
To me my life, it don't make any sense
These strange manners, I loved 'em so
Why won't you wear your new trench coat?"

For the Record

If you don't know, I got accepted into this absolutely kickass college and I cannot tell you how excited I am to go to it.  Now here's a fact about the college which actually doesn't bother me in the slightest because it isn't a big deal but seems incomprehensible to many of my peers; it's an all girls school.  I have a few thoughts about this:
1. First of all, it's in the five college consortium so there are boys around, it's not like they staple a sign above the door saying, "No boys Allowed."
2. No I am not a lesbian.  stop asking if I am lesbian.
3. If I was a god damn lesbian, I could have gone to a school with boys.  It's not like all girls schools are just for lesbians.  It's a good school, fuck you and your judgemental attitude.
4. Who cares whether or not I am a lesbian? Why does it matter?
5. Fuck you, my school is rated higher than yours, so deal with that.

"Emma eats bread and butter
Like a queen would have ostrich and cobra wine
We'll have satanic christmas Eve
And play piano in the chateau lobby"

The Generationals

It turns out, "For What it's Worth" by Buffalo Springfield requires two chords to play and so now I can play a song on the guitar and evidently that makes me a fucking master of the guitar so you can all suck it.

And my room is too hot but I'm in too much pain to get up, turn the humidifier off and the fan on.

My knee hurts.  I hate march.

"Stop, hey, what's that sound? Everybody look what's going down."

Pangur Ban

My mom and I watched the conjuring a few nights ago, and then I was super scared so I asked if I could sleep in her room and she looked so grateful and said "YES! I'm terrified!"

This just goes to show you should never watch fucking scary movies no matter how cool you think the main lead is.  (Vera Farmiga.  Her and her sister are so cool.  Why can't I be them? And I don't mean like, why can't another person be Vera and I be Taissa or vice versa, I mean like I want to collectively be them, all at once.)

I'm naming the next cat I get Pangur Ban and I want it to be all white with green eyes and if you get this reference 1)you're weird, stop watching children's movies and 2) can I come watch them with you?

"Is this your cat?"

Violet and Daisy

I like to imagine that there are two sisters out there who are the exact opposite; one is named Violet, the other Daisy.  And although they are different in all senses of the word, including political and socioeconomic views, there's one thing they really like doing together and that's swinging so high that they forget their differences and for that moment and time, they are no longer Violet and Daisy, they are VioletDaisy, or DaisyViolet.

But then when they come back down to earth from their swinging they argue about starbucks drinks and GMOs and Monsanto and which anime hero is their favorite and cats vs dogs.

The great thing about Violet and Daisy though, is that they're a team and even though they hate each other a lot they're still sisters and they love each other.  Loving and trusting each other is really important, especially when you're in the line of work Violet and Daisy are.

By the way, they're assassins.

"I'm sorry, I think there's been some sort of mistake sir.  We aren't here to clean, we're here to kill you."

Redemption Songs

We got a puppy and it's been a stressful few days because Puppies are like babies, but homicidal babies intent on sniffing and then claiming everything in their path and then themselves because doesn't that chocolate just look SO GOOD!!!!

Also I'm really sick and the little girl I was babysitting asked if I was a frog and then was genuinely confused when I told her I was most definitely not.

And i had candy for dinner last night and I am not regretting it.

Also getting in to school early is bad bc you have no motivation to do anything including spell out full wrds.

#ahshit

"Sentiment's the same but the pair of feet change."

Pilates Nation

I walked by my mom's pilates book this morning, it's called The Anatomy of Pilates and for some reason my tired brain thought it said The Nation of Pilates and then I was seriously puzzling over this supposed nation called Pilates and wondering where it was and if the people weren't people but were actually just giant yoga mats who welcomed visitors to their village by forcing them to participate in pilates and then when these visitors got sweaty enough, the yoga mats put them in a giant pot to be boiled and then eaten.

And thats the giant secret of the Nation of Pilates.

I don't know; I am so weird.

"As far as I can tell, there are two basic rules: 1. Don't bite anything without permission, and 2. The human tongue is like wasabi: it's very powerful and should be used sparingly."

As far as I can tell, I have two basic reactions to the above quote: 1. I wish Q was real so he could be the voice of my generation, and 2. I would also like Q to be real so that there would be a possibility of us meeting and then getting married.

"I've been called the songbird of my generation."

Suck it and See

The other day when I was watching video, my coach said, "Bubba, you have to take some clothes off tomorrow.  You aren't a first year anymore."

And then when I woke up this morning it was in the negatives and I was like, well, shit.

And so I dutifully stripped for the first run of training, skied down the course, and then was shivering when I got down to the bottom.

My coach just sat there and laughed at me. Yay for ski racing.

Also if you aren't a ski racer, this post will sound suspiciously like I am a stripper.  I promise I am not a stripper.

"Suck it and see, you never know.
Sit next to me before I go.
Jigsaw women, with horror movie shoes,
Be cruel to me 'cause I'm a fool for you."

Catbus

Last night while I was picking my cat up to put him in the basement because he's an annoying a**, he started scratching me with his claws.  Then he ripped my shirt.

It was my FAVORITE shirt (it's a my neighbor totoro shirt).

and then he walked away, like the punk he is. Cause I yelled at him.  And then swung my foot at him.

Then this morning he climbed up my ladder and pawed my face for food for about twenty minutes.

I think he's the devil.

Me too friend, me too.