Valentimes

"I'm so fucking stupid!"
"Hey, its all right.  A lot of people are stupid and still live full, productive lives."
That is parenting at its finest.

That Still Counts, Right?

We went to Sushi Yoshi on friday night with my Dad and Wendell and my brother and his friend and my friend.  Then we let the old guys pay the check and we went on our merry way to the lamest minigolf ever but it was okay because I slayed.

Although, the definition of slayed is a little hazy, so here's how the minigolf went down: My friend and I kicked the balls into the holes, automatically giving us a hole in one.  My brother and his friend rolled their eyes.

Because thats how mini golf works right?
After we made it in, we'd scream, "Kobe!!!"

Roll Down The Damn Hill

I was babysitting these kids (their uncle who is my age was helping me watch them) and we were outside on their "sprawling and gorgeous grounds" and the little boy just pulled down his pants and started to go pee.  Fine, right?  Then he started to spin around giving his pee a sprinkler-like effect and it got ALL over the two little girls so then we had to give them a bath.

As punishment, we made him roll down the hill.  He cried the whole time.
Call us terrible people, I dare you.

Full Disclosure: we put them to bed early and then watched scary movies for about four hours.
#noragrets #okmaybesomeregrets

The Internet Is Forever

After my friend and I went hiking, I was rapping along to a Hoodie Allen song in the car, and I was absolutely killing it.  Then, I said the wrong word and screamed profanities at top volume.

We were at the top of the ap gap and the car was stationery and after I screamed the *ahem* not appropriate *ahem* words, an elderly woman came over to the car and asked if I was alright.  I told her I stubbed my toe and I was sorry that she had to hear that language and she told me her granddaughter stubbed her toes all the time and it was perfectly normal to get upset about things like that.  Then, she told me I needed to start taking more multivitamins.  At this point I was fairly confused and just nodded.

Then, she gave us an obama bumper sticker (she just happened to have that on her??) and walked away.

I think I almost peed myself from laughing.

Tales from the Tail End of a Dragon

On the fourth of July, I helped with a float in the parade (very last-minute) and I was in this tail of the dragon and one of the support beams snapped.  I was then forced to sit and be poked by a giant wooden beam for an hour or so.  It was a fun time.

My friends, who were holding up the other parts of the dragon tail kept cracking jokes at me like, "Its really shitty to be near the ass of a dragon!"

They weren't even that funny.